Feeling inadequate

This is my second post for today, but that is OK…there is much buried inside.

This post is another one of my Diaries of a Teacher…

One of the biggest challenges for me to overcome now as an educator is feelings of inadequacy. With a personality that wants success in every step (i.e. a perfectionist), my world begins to fall apart when my health is suffering, my work is suffering, my family is suffering, my students are suffering, and everything just seems dark…because most importantly my faith is suffering.

If you notice from the rest of the posts in this blog, I am a Christian, an Orthodox Christian at that. Yet, now, I feel completely distant from God. I don’t even know if I have any faith in Him in more. I would like to have more faith but I cannot. My actions, thoughts, and words all say that I have no faith in God. I cannot trust Him that He will provide for me the direction and wisdom and resources that I need to make the next steps in my life. I am both afraid and confused, but worst of all…I think I am in a state of hopelessness. “God didn’t provide before…so why would He provide now?!”

I know that I am being ungrateful.

*sigh*

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